L is for Letting Go – April’s May Alphabet

It is graduation season, and I keep seeing a lot of “last” posts from people on facebook – students and parents alike, but mostly from parents.  Last Prom, last band/choir concert, last ball game, last show…

It turns my mind to the inevitability of having to let go of our kids.  Of course, we want to let go – that is sort of the whole point – raising up responsible, self-sufficient people who are entirely capable of being on their own.  But the actual doing of it seems to be a little easier said than done.  Lucky for me, I still have a whole year before my son is doing all of his “lasts.”  There have been little events over the years, sending him off to school, the first ‘away camp’ and stuff like that.  But I didn’t find them so very difficult.  The most recent, and easily the hardest, was sending him off on his own in a car.  With no one else.  (Tied for this moment was the one in which I sent both my children off.  Both of them. The entire sum of our progeny, out of my sight and in a moving vehicle that some idiot could smash in a heartbeat.  Never mind that the same can be said for any one of us anytime – that’s completely beside the point.)

(Yes, I realize this post is 4 months late – and I used something else entirely for L in my alphabet.  However, I never finished it, and decided I want to finish it now.  I bet I got all weepy and decided I just couldn’t.  So, it just never got published.  That paragraph above is where I left off, and the following is new.)

And now, our year of slowly letting go is here.  And I find myself weepy all over again.  Because I want to be a grown-up about this – be logical and rational, realizing that, yes, letting go is the whole point.  But I think I am just like all the other moms after all – and I will never truly let go of my little ones.  Let them out of my sight, yes.  They can go be adults and live their responsible, self-sufficient, productive lives, away from this house, this town, even this state.  Maybe, even….once I’ve gotten used to the idea…this country.  But I don’t know how I will fully let go.  They will always have an enormous portion of my heart, and I will always be here when they need their mama.  And I will always be cheering them on, boasting about them, worrying over them… Mama stuff.

Maybe I will be better at letting go when I absolutely have to.  But so long as I don’t, I think I will forget that it needs to be done.

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