I always thought trusting God was primarily for spiritual and emotional things. And whenever it was for physical things, it was for serious stuff. Crisis, illness, basic necessities of life. I didn’t know I felt this way until last week. I thought I thought trusting God meant all the time, for everything. Except that I wasn’t trusting him with my own physical health, as if He couldn’t possibly be interested in whether or not I wanted to finish a silly race, so why should I bother turning over that ITB injury to Him, or the foot injury that reappeared out of the blue?
And that’s when I found out I have trust issues. Oh, I trust Him for lots of things, don’t get me wrong. I do. But…not everything. Because, well, I do hate to be a bother.
Last week, I had a little freak-out. As I said in my previous post, Hubs and I are training for a marathon. (As I sit and type, that race is 27 hours away.) 4 weeks ago, my IT Band flared, out of the blue, and I immediately sought medical help. Good for me, you might say. Yet, I was focused entirely on whether I could run and finish this race. Me, me, me. I started getting better, it’s true, and I began to think that, yeah, I probably could finish. And then, a foot injury that had plagued me over the winter, but which I had thought ‘cured’ flared. OH NO–two injuries. Can I do this? I can’t do this. But I trained so hard, and I don’t want to let down Team Bennett, and…do you see all the ‘I’ in those sentences? Me, me, me, indeed. And I knew.
I couldn’t do it. Not on my own. As I lay trying to sleep late one night, I felt a swift, here-one-moment-gone-the-next warm calm sweep over me. And though it lasted a nano-second, I heard the Holy Spirit reminding me: Isn’t your word this year Trust? How long’s it been since you paid attention to that word? I have a challenge for you. Why don’t you just trust Me with this one?
He had a point. And I had some soul-searching to do. If Trusting God is what I profess, why had I not trusted Him to take care of this? Did I really believe that God doesn’t care about my goals? I mean, I know I’m not winning any prizes for this (though I did pay for a medal and tee-shirt) but it’s something I really want to do. God delights with us when we achieve our goals, and when we glorify Him in all things. Both these things, and they are not mutually exclusive. They ought to go hand in hand!
A few verses, which have come to me steadily over the course of the week from various sources:
I can do all things, through Christ, who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:13
But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. -Isaiah 40:31I shall say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress! My God whom I trust!” -Psalm 91:2